Lucky for me last night on the phone my husband decided to tell me something I do that really bothers him, so I had a great gateway into today's challenge. This morning when my husband came home I made us breakfast and when we sat down to eat I apologized for judging him and asked if there was anything else I did that upset or annoyed him. He said he couldn't think of anything at the moment and I asked him if he would think about it and let me know. The best part of this was that I had the opportunity to express to my husband my desire for him to be pleased with me. I explained that I never wanted to intentionally be doing things that frustrated him. He seemed so encouraged to hear me say it. It is so difficult in marriage to always assume the other person has your best interest in mind.
I am going to try one more time to ask if there is anything I do that makes him particularly uncomfortable. I'll let you know how it goes. How did it go for you?
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Basically Everything my husband said I knew he would say. It made me feel bad, but at least I know what to focus on. I knew it anyway but it helped to hear it from him. It is also hard to not defend yourself and make excuses for your behavior. This was a lesson in humility for me and now I can better serve my husband.
I forget what brought us into today's dare, but it was a perfect segway. My husband's said he couldn't think of three things, but he did have one irritation: that, at times, I can get angry (sometimes very angry) very quickly. Of course, his complaint wasn't a surprise. In fact, not an hour had passed, and he plopped on the couch, and my hot tea spilled all over my stomach scalding the skin. Talk about solidifying the obvious.
I don't know if it's the day's stressors or selfishness, but it's true. Something will happen and I'll just hit a wall. I'm angry in about 2.8 seconds...and it can be over some of the most trivial things (i.e. the tea...and I know he didn't mean to hurt me). And despite the inevitable shame and guilt that comes from such outbursts of anger, I can't seem to overcome it on my own. I suppose that's my cue, right? I need to seek forgiveness for my anger and ask God to purify my heart once again. And over and over again if and when I fail.
@JBiddulph -- You are right about seeking God's forgiveness, but don't forget to seek your HUSBAND's forgiveness when you lash out...and don't forget to accept their forgiveness and forgive yourself.
My husband has a very stressful day at work every day this week. I just didn't feel right asking him about what I can change (he looks at "relationship talk" as work, and he's not in the right frame of mind right now. As I mentioned on FB, there was a time when if I asked him what I COULD CHANGE, he would take it as me wanting him to change and would become frustrated and confused.
I chose to send him an email and offer to help him in any way to make his day go smoother, and then I told him that I want to be the best wife I can be (true) because he deserves the best (true!) and I asked him to think about anything that I could do better or I could pray about. While not specifically mentioning the Love Dare, I did tell him I was working online with some friends and one of my challenges was to work to improve 3 areas that my husband felt needed improvement. (I'm often helping people with the other side of the garden, etc. so this explanation will help my request to make sense in his mind and he won't jump to the wrong conclusion that I am not happy with HIM and am hinting that he needs to change.)
My husband never did come up with anything else for me though like you ladies, I can think of a few areas of improvement on my own.
Emily- It is so humbling to accept responsibility for our actions without making excuses. I find myself in a constant grudging state of humility. ;)
Jess-Along with what Gen said also remember that self control is an attribute we desire. It isn't control if we can do it easily. We must work at it. When anger rears its ugly head remember controlling your words and actions shows amazing self control.
Gen- Great way to be sensitive to your husbands needs. Reading your post made me remember how we can still be selfish while we are doing this dare. We can get to wrapped up in accomplishing the task for the day that we don't really consider our husbands the way we should. I was so blessed and encouraged to hear the way you handled todays task.
It was great to read all of your comments. Funny how God works huh? It seems he opened the doors for most of us to have the conversation we needed to naturally. Same for me. Lastnight we were sitting on the couch just talking about stuff and I just went right into it. I'm encouraged that he tells me there is not much bothering him with me other than he needs me to be sure I"m following through with discipline with the kids. And I honestly have been, so this was a good thing. I pray he is being totally open with me, you know the new marriage, new relationship, we've already had those moments where we weren't TOTALLY honest! But we've grown already so much, I hope he shared all his concerns truthfully. Good love dare. I like doing things for him, so this was a new direction that needed addressing. And honestly in my own mind i pointed out things I'm sure i could work on anyhow. even if he didn't say anything.
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